Memories fade… Blogs are forever (or until the server fails)
Dovear is leaving. Dovear. The Dovear… Probably the CLOSEST friend that I have ever had… Right up there with Kay… So many of my memories from high school and the two years post high school were from him. He’s going to New York. I know that this was always the plan, but damn… Our friendship has been steadily deteriorating since I got pregnant and he moved to Houston in ’06, I just never thought that it would be going this way.
Dovear knows me better than anyone on this planet. We have more stories that I could ever write… more adventures than I could ever blog and I am heartbroken.
These past few days, I have spent an inordinate amount of time searching through my old blogs… I had a livejournal for YEARS… No real updates though, in a year or so… I have MySpace which I try to update regularly… and then this which doesn’t really have anything that my MySpace doesn’t have, because I take these and post them to MySpace at the end of each day. Anyway… losing the point…
I still think of myself as depressed most of the time, but when I look back and read my old blogs, it’s like, ‘whoa, I never realized how far gone I was.’ I’m downright giddy compared to how I was back then. I am also pretty stupid now compared to how I was back then. I really, REALLY want to get back into school. I must. This beimg out of school shit is reaking havoc on my writing skills and my wit. I used to be so damn clever… and so damn angry at the world. I sort of think that I had right to be a little angry at the world though.
That was back in the day when Derrick and Zhane ruled my world… instead of me ruling my own. That was back when my best friends were ALWAYS there. We always had something to do on Saturday night and the few times we didn’t, we made up for it with Strip Poker and trips to Rocky. I miss Rocky too. I can’t wait until Hunter is a bit older and I can take him up there. I just want things to be normal. Not the way they were before, but not like they are now… Maybe a mix of the two… Maybe Dovear comes to visit on the weekend and I get just drunk enough, but not falling over. And Derrick and I have a functioning friendship again, without all the bullshit… And Kay is back in Texas and we can eat Gringo’s every other Saturday (where Jayden and make infrequent trips out to T-Town or some equally ridiculous club for me to be in… And I integrate my new best friends too… Sundays are spent on the beach with Mike and Andrea and Hunter is playing in the sand with Jayden, while Kay and Dovear and Mike and Andrea and myself watch and laugh about whatever it is that has just been said. I would love to be able to blog memories like that…
Nothing will ever go back to the way it was in high school. It’s a wonder that I was so sad back then, because all I have are the fond memories. I wish that I understood myself a little more.
Anyway… I have to get back to annoying time sheets.
I love you all,
Heather
